How to get ready for mediation and make the best of it

Mediation is considered the cheapest and fastest way for resolving family, business, workplace or church disputes. And yet, not many people know what mediation means, how it works, and how to make the best of it.

What Mediation Means

The purpose of mediation is not to decide which party is right or wrong, but to help both parties: (a) present and listen to their different perspectives; (b) identify and prioritize the issues that need to be resolved; (c) develop all possible options for resolving those issues; and (d) work out an agreement that both parties think is fair and reasonable.

Being neutral, the mediator does not make any decisions. In mediation, it is only up to the parties to decide whether and how their dispute can be settled.

If the parties are able to reach an agreement, the mediator writes down all its terms. Otherwise, the parties retain the right to pursue their dispute in any other way they deem appropriate. In that case, whatever they said or offered during mediation does not matter and cannot be used against them, because mediation is confidential.

How Mediation Works

Typically, the mediator starts by explaining to both parties what mediation means, the neutral role of the mediator, and the mediation outcome - as indicated above. Next, the mediator decides whether to meet with the two parties together (in joint session) or separately (in caucus).

At the end of mediation, the mediator reconvenes both parties and tells them "where they are". Thus, depending on the situation, the mediator (a) writes down a partial or final agreement; or (b) asks the parties what they want to do next - whether they would like to think it over and come back to mediation in a few days with new proposals; or whether they just want their mediation to be closed.

Until now, mediation was conducted only face-to-face in the mediator's office. Nowadays, it can be also conducted online -- through video or phone conference or by email -- from the parties' office or home. This solution works particularly well when, for example, (a) the monetary value of the dispute is limited; or (b) the parties live far away from each other or are not comfortable being in the presence of each other.

How to Make the Best of Mediation

Given the purpose of mediation and the neutral role of the mediator explained above, when one party tries to prove or convince the mediator that the other party is wrong, it is just a waste of time. Instead, it is much better if the parties enter mediation after they have done their homework. That is, after they have answered the following questions:

• What exactly do I want to get this dispute resolved - e.g. a monetary settlement, an apology, something else? If I am looking for a monetary settlement, what is the maximum amount of money I am willing to offer, or the minimum amount of money I am willing to accept?
• What is my proposal based on? Why do I think that my offer is fair, and therefore the other party should consider it?
• If I cannot settle this case in mediation, what are the consequences? For example, how much time, money, and stress will it take to settle this case in court? What are my chances of winning? And at what cost?

The above information is essential when, sooner or later, the mediator turns to both parties and asks them something like this:

'Now that you know how each of you sees your case, and given that we are here only to resolve your case with a mutually acceptable agreement, what is your best proposal for the other party to consider? And why do you think that your proposal is fair?' If the parties have a clear and convincing answer to both questions, they increase dramatically their chances of reaching a mediated agreement - fast and without stress.

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